Poly-Friendly Counseling

Poly-Friendly Therapists Are Here!

Ethical non-monogamous relationships are becoming more seen but there is still a lot that society stigmatizes. Let’s line out some of the words used in this practice to start;

• Polyamory (Poly) A subset of ethical non-monogamy where the assumption is that all partners may seek out multiple loving relationships. From the Greek “poly,” meaning many, and Latin “amor,” meaning love. Structures beyond this vary between people and groups of people.

• Ethical/consensual non-monogamy Any relationship structure in which all partners are aware and consenting to some form of non-monogamy, be it sexual, emotional, or both.

• Open relationship A term for relationships that are pre-existing between two people and not limited to only connecting with their partner.

• Closed relationship A term for relationships that are limited to only connecting with their partner.

• Throuple/triad A relationship of three people, all of whom are romantically involved with one another. A triad contains three dyads (A and B; A and C; and B and C) as well as the triad relationship (A and B and C). One of the most publicized forms of polyamory in mainstream media.

• Swinging/swingers A term used for two people that are in an open relationship and looking to have sexual connections with another couple by interchanging partners.

• Third A term used for the person who joins a couple into a throuple. They usually joined the relationship after two partners established an open relationship.

• Non-hierarchical relationships Relationships which strive for equal autonomy and standing of relationships rather than prioritizing one over another. These are not immune from “ inherent hierarchy,” such as shared responsibilities with a partner with whom one shares children or a home, or who one has been with a much longer time, but they ascribe to an ideal of involving all network members in discussions of rule changes that will impact them and limiting prioritization when possible. 

• Hierarchical relationships Relationships in which certain partnerships are prioritized above others and/or given additional powers in rule-setting. Often, but not always, the early result of people discovering polyamory when they have an existing partnership.

• Anchor partner A partner who one regards as a central figure in one’s life, a stable “rock” or “anchor” to lean on. Often used in non-hierarchical relationships for someone’s equivalent(s) of a primary partner in a hierarchical setting.

• Parallel polyamory A style of polyamorous relationship in which each individual relationship exists largely independent of either partner’s additional romantic or sexual relationships, and in which there is not an intentional focus on entwining the relationship network. There may be close relationships between some metamours or telemours, but there is no requirement for this and there may be low or no contact between some members of the larger relationship network.

• Polycule A network of interconnected relationships; can be used to refer to the network itself, or a chart illustrating the same. A portmanteau of “poly” and “molecule,” because of the varied possible configurations and how they can resemble charts of the chemical structures of molecules. Groups and networks larger than four people often simply use “polycule” or “constellation” to describe their network, rather than using one of the specialized terms for smaller units, as the shapes can get complicated.

• Solo polyamory A form of polyamory in which an individual chooses to be their own “primary partner,” building connections without the assumption of progressing up the “relationship escalator” with one or more. Often includes the assumption of living apart from all partners.

With all of this in mind, there are different challenges that each style can present. It can be hard finding supportive people who are aware of what these dynamics are, and even harder to find mental health that understands that lifestyle.

In a relationship with more broad boundaries and multiple connections with different people presents much more than issues of jealousy; there is an increase of expectations, deepened communication, and understanding of Self to understand where boundaries need to be placed.